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There was once you said you hated my suffering and you understood [entries|friends|calendar]
Aaron & Sahar

"And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter--they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long. Yes, there is joy, fulfillment and companionship--but the loneliness of the soul in it's appalling self-consciousness is horrible and overpowering."
- Sylvia Plath
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im sorry [13 Sep 2005|04:39pm]

asyntactic
we faded, it was to long, we should have consoled, i just hope its not to late, and that i wasent to stupid in what ive said. forgive me.
ink stained & messy

sahar [01 Sep 2005|05:19pm]

asyntactic
i wiwsh you would have told me what you did when you did it. something, triggered me to remeber, the guilt in your eyes, so long ago, when i knew you cheated on me. i remeberd you telling me when wee first started going out how because of what happened wit hyour family you would never cheat on me. well, you did and im absolutly certain of it. and , i bought you a ring so long ago , i was so ready to propose, and i remember that look in your eyes. you lied to me, blatently, righti n my face you told me nothing happened. well i knew the whole time but i kept quiet. i just want you to know that. and i want you to know that i actually totally bilieved you when you said you loved me. any ways, i just want you to know that it really hurt more when you just left without a care for me at all, and that you were able to kiss me in touch me as if you were in love with me when you were doing it with another guy. i just wanted you to know that you were my everythingand i hope someday it will be that way again but i know it wwont and im tireeed of living. ive never been in a relationship where i havent been cheated on, and youve helped me realize that love is not for me, thank you and goodbye.
ink stained & messy

a bit of prose [19 Mar 2005|11:19am]

elicitlove
dear aaron,
the earth stopped moving and the cars dont have anywhere to go. stand-still looking around. there's nobody here. eyes directed and all i see you. i greet you, but you don't greet back. you seal me up heart and soul with an ever bearing kiss.
love always, sahar
1 word| ink stained & messy

imprint [09 Mar 2005|10:16pm]

asyntactic
a bluprint of a thumbprint running rampant through a cybernetic timeframe of misplaced analogize. stamp backwards and allow time to scream in considerableerroneasnouse. live free and allowyou focus to divide it self into oblivian. born into senslessness a world so black and cold. black ice finds its way onto the highway of my life and i, unkowing of its danger, skid tearfully ASKEW. through this blade i see the reflection of the onewho wishes to cause harm. a spirit of evil with the radiance of red. my life source enshrouded by a rusty clingy plaque substance that makes it impossible to truly see. death is before me, the evil of my inside is all consuming. i dont want help, what has been bestowed upon me is my fault, and until i have violated every boundry and hurt everyone i know, it will not be happy. braindead
ink stained & messy

back to romanticism! [31 Jan 2005|12:33am]

asyntactic
shall we a sheltered lovers continue our walk in innocense and love, or will we be shattered by the pressing winds from all directions?
ink stained & messy

where are we headed [26 Jan 2005|10:09pm]

asyntactic
my sweet sahar?
ink stained & messy

as i lay [17 Oct 2004|12:14am]

asyntactic
i sleep. i am entrapped within a net of deceit. i gave up the fight many years ago, and now harbor the lies as truth. thoughts guided by nothing, i am focused upon my insignificance. what is this feeling of self pity that so happily relates itself to i. why is it that every waking moment that i am alone i find myself recounting all of ghastly ordeals of my past. WHY AM I TRAPPED. WHY DID THIS THING DIE. WHY CANT I FEEL MYSELF. wh]y oh why are all these faces so familiar and yet derive nothing but feelings, NOT EVEN NAMES. what is it here that SCREAMS IN MY EAR. WHY DO I SMOKE ALONE , is this solitary DEFIANCE. IS THIS A MEANS TO AN END
WHAT IS DRIVING ME MAD. WHY IS IT THAT THE PICTURES OF .......... CONJURE THEMSELVES INTO MY CONSCIOUSE STATE EVERY TIME SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL COMES MY WAY. why is it that every time i see you i have to turn my head away and burn the grotessque photographs burnt within my mind. why havent i been blessed with death. and so i sleep, torturedby my dreams in this net so entwined that not even the deepest love could fix me from its snare. good bye life, and i so live in death
2 words| ink stained & messy

once there was a time [17 Oct 2004|12:03am]

asyntactic
when i had believed in love. then there was the time when i learned of betrayal, and the selfishness of ambition.

even as i think to myself i inscribe the pain of a shattered mind into a palpable clause and leave marks on this flesh-form that coincide with the anguish of a past-life, one that perished and was seized up by the winds of forgetfulness long long ago. did she believe that men were so simple. was it true that an orgasm could contrive such self relief. even as he had been whining in self pity only moments ago, his pain has left his face and was replaced by a boyish smile as he now slept.
ink stained & messy

[25 Jun 2004|11:18pm]

elicitlove
i think about the times in the past
they were hollow
without you in my life
that light will shine
ink stained & messy

[17 Jun 2004|01:24pm]

elicitlove
Hold my hand.
They’ll never know.
Let’s sneak into the photo booth.
They’ll never know.
Let’s jump into the ocean.
They’ll never know.
Let’s kiss under the porch.
They’ll never know.
Dance the night away.
They’ll never know.
Keep me warm.
They’ll never know.
Cry to me, tell me everything.
They’ll never know.
Cut yourself.
They’ll never know.
Bang your head.
They’ll never know.
Suffocate yourself.
They’ll never know.
How we feel.
They’ll never know.
ink stained & messy

[17 Jun 2004|01:20pm]

elicitlove
Look at the wallpaper
The images come alive
The flowers want to entangle my neck

Oh dead! This death.
This house! It desires me.

The floor wants me to sink
The windows ask for my head to break them
The bedpost wants to run my head through it
The lamp wants me burned
The bathtub needs some electrcution action

Oh dead! This death.
This house! It desires me.

The hanger asks for a hanging.
The curtains feel the urge to suffocate me.
The pan wants to fry some brains tonight.
The garage door says my neck is mighty fine.
The iron told me that it loves skin.

Oh dead! This death.
This house! It desires me.

The bed wants to be my final resting place.
ink stained & messy

[17 Jun 2004|01:13pm]

elicitlove
Your eyes meet mine, how they shine
Stunning watercolor blue
Right back at me
In this moment, everything has stopped
When your eyes meet mine it’s pure
Only love, nothing more
Whatever happened, it doesn’t matter
Together in each other’s arms is all we need
Gentle kisses and all our love
No matter what has happened today
Or even yesterday
In the end, in this moment, you are all I need
Hands locked together, as they were meant
For each other, for no other can replace
This is it, what everyone searches for
Companionship, friendship, true love
ink stained & messy

[12 Jun 2004|12:26pm]

elicitlove
walking into the void, past the town you know, past all the memories. letting all the feeling sink into you, overtake you. can't stop walking, can't stop crying. that was the past and this is now. with changes there is always the fear of the unfamiliar, but without it the change in self would never happen. past everything, past the photographs, laughs and tears. it's time to say goodbye.
ink stained & messy

[05 Jun 2004|06:20pm]

asyntactic
do you see them. do you see the chains at night? i do, they gleam bright. they entrap us all, they make us trip and fall. there is no realease, no lasting peace, with these chains that bind me.
ink stained & messy

at first sight [12 May 2004|10:23pm]

asyntactic
At first sight
She approached me with silk strewn wings.
Her arrival was a godsend, her appearance angelic.
As she closed distance with strides of graceful elegance a feeling awoke in me, a feeling I had believed in all my life but never truly experienced.
I knew from the feeling in my gut and the glaze in my eyes, I was in love.
As we crossed paths it was as if time itself had surrendered to the moment.
Turbulence ceased, pain forgotten, all my inhibitions were lifted. I was entrapped, gazing at an angel, and wishing nothing more than to be graced by her enrapturing presence. Enthralled and intrigued, I could not find it any me to look away, and the stare continued for what seemed like an eternity.
She passed me, and I was left with the flutter of a thousand red winged butterflies on spring migration. From that moment In I knew what I needed to do, I needed to make this lady mine, and be hers as well.
ink stained & messy

sahar [12 May 2004|09:05pm]

asyntactic
love me always. without you i am nothing. you bind the bindless in me. you cure what cannot be cured. you are my universal solvent. you make everyhing i could never have, a materialization of all my greatest passions and desires. you are everything in my nothingness. for these things i thank you, with all that remains of my heart. love me always, and i will always have something....
ink stained & messy

[27 Apr 2004|10:08pm]

elicitlove
Visits From Something That I Think Is There, Yet It’s Not

Staring up at the ceiling skies
Twinkle lights
Before my eyes
Dead body…the same story
Watching me waste away
And left to be unseen
Drifting apart of everything
Once known
Straying, straying, straying
Submerging
Crashing, crashing, crashing
Only to be left alone.
1 word| ink stained & messy

[22 Apr 2004|10:34pm]

elicitlove
I want to hold you close...
so our hearts are against each other
thumping unites
and we are so close
nothing matters in the world,
only us
and our love
such beautiful love
the rare type, that everyone wishes
to be blessed with at least...
once in their life with.
ink stained & messy

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